In Case You Were Thinking of Burning Out…

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Come have a talk with me. Let me help you. I believe in the idea that a person needs to rest, recharge, and be kind to themself in order to survive and thrive.

So you’re working for the movement? You’re putting your breath and your strength behind every moment? Take a moment to do the movement a favor, then; you are clearly one of its best advocates, and all of us need you at your best!

Send me a message, in the contact form below or at feelinggoodfeminism (at) gmail (dot) com  (change the things in parentheses to their symbol and remove the spaces, yup!) and we can have a chat about what you need to restore yourself. I happen to have healed from many things over the years and have a treasure trove of solutions to heal the soul, body, and mind.

Your bravery and continuous effort is greatly valued by me. Your message will give me that same joy about feeling valued. Thank you.

 

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Dispelling Self-Doubt, Disrupting the myth of ‘other’

I’d like for you to watch this Tara Brach talk:

Healing Self-Doubt

What I take from her talk at this moment is that we have find a new way to think, to heal from thinking of men and people who disagree with us as being ‘other’. Because, they are human. When we can all hear each other, we can bring peace into situations. Relentless effort, unfathomable peace. It takes commitment to bring about peace and it takes acknowledging humanity in everyone.

Fear engenders only fear. And the extreme manifestation of fear is hate. We are more powerful than that today, and more humble. It is a sad conceit to believe that one is truly better than others. I intend to be humble today, and stronger because of it. I challenge you to put away your anger, fear, or whatever is tying you to the belief of there being ‘others’ today. We are all human, at our deepest levels.

Look into each other’s eyes. Drop the walls in your heart. Walls there only make us more vulnerable anyway, and we are as a movement committed to showing we are strong.

Please listen to the talk at the link I posted. It will begin to heal you if you let it. It’s helping me.

Mona Lisa Smile: Women’s choices are ALWAYS ours.

Just saw ‘Mona Lisa Smile’ and I loved it. I really connected with the message and main characters.

The driving message of the movie is that women’s choices are always ours to make. This does not mean that women are always right, nor happy with our choices, nor locked into our first choice…. we are allowed to change our minds, admit we were wrong, or let ourselves off the hook for a choice we wish had worked out better!

Julia Roberts’ portrayal of the lead is amazing and cool; I love how she makes her choices and doesn’t agonize over them, she has confidence and a good sense of herself. She earns respect by the way she lives, rather than simply by the way she looks.

I love Ginnifer Goodwin (who is in this movie!) and her role was a beautiful look at how it feels to be lonely and ignored, and yet intelligent, beautiful, talented and hard-working. Everyone has insecurities.

Kirsten Dunst and Maggie Gyllenhaal (who I newly adore due to her role in this film) have this amazing moment where their characters understand each other and it really breaks down walls. I found I could relate to each of the characters quite naturally, which is the hallmark of excellent acting.

Most likely you’ve already seen this movie, since it came out ~10 years ago. If you haven’t, watch it now. Post your thoughts. Revel in the revolution of respecting women.

 

Setting my Standards

I’ve been wondering…. who sets the standard of “beauty”?

Who says it’s shaved legs?

  1. the photos in fashion magazines?
  2. the pornographers?
  3. the women who don’t dare miss a day of shaving their legs?
  4. the men who require their girlfriend or wife to shave her legs?

Who says it’s high heels?

  1. the corporations who sell high heels, but could sell something else if they chose to?
  2. the pornographers?
  3. the women who wear high heels because they ‘want to look sexy’ and don’t think they do in flats?
  4. the men who give lots of attention to women wearing heels?

What do you actually want to wear on your feet? For comfort’s sake? For safety’s sake?

Have you ever actually tried growing out your leg hair? Have you tried loving yourself despite long hair on your legs? Have you? Because I promise you it is possible.

Here’s my proof.

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I’m heterosexual, and brush my teeth every day, and love myself completely. It’s totally possible- in fact, it’s true. And I spent 6 months without shaving.

Agreeing with Hubby

I’d like to propose a tweet:  A #strong married #woman agrees with her husband because she chose a husband who has similar #values to her own. #feelinggoodfeminism

Make it go viral.

I recently have read some things stating that women ought to agree with their husbands out of respect for their marriage, and ought to cede to her husband’s decisions because he has the final word. Aside from suddenly needing to vomit, I feel that there is something inherently dangerous about this idea of unconditional support based on convention rather than based on intelligent agreement and trust.

I would choose to marry someone who upholds the same values I do, both in words and actions. I hope that my fellow women feel the same about choosing a partner; that partnership is based on similar values, trust, respect, and intellectual interest in one another’s ideas and projects. I believe in equal cooperation.

I would hope that men can do the same, seeking a partner who is similar to you intellectually and morally, so that you trust in her decisions. Choose the path of strength; be honest with your partner, tell her how you really feel about things so that you both make informed decisions about your continued partnership.

I can say these things all day long, and the most important portion remains that I must continue to practice making good intelligent decisions for myself, learning who I am and expressing my personality in everything I do, and speaking my story to those whom I come to trust will treasure it.

Love you, THEN reproduce

Unfortunately in some situations abortion might be the most loving choice. What is absolutely 100% better, however, is just not to have sex in the first place if you don’t want to give birth. ‘Sexual freedom’ and sexual wantonness are totally different things. Women have the freedom to have sex with men outside of marriage. We also have the freedom to choose to not use that freedom.

Whether or not you agree with me doesn’t matter, but have an open mind for a minute.

I’ve known several people who told me they knew their births were accidental because of things their parents had said, who had been treated terribly by their parents, or who were adopted and had never forgiven their birth parents for having a child and being unable to take care of it. These people have suffered so greatly. I have such compassion for them. I would absolutely NEVER say that these people should have been aborted, because I don’t feel that at all. I believe these people deserve all the love in the world. I am glad to have known them. I do feel that it’s cruel to bring someone into a life that you aren’t ready to provide them, or aren’t emotionally capable of providing. A person needs to love their self before they can teach a child how to love itself.

Are you wondering if maybe you don’t love yourself that well?

do you smoke? drink for oblivion? use drugs at all? use sex to block out emotions? neglect to eat/sleep/bathe/brush your teeth? (You can’t love yourself if you’re destroying yourself.)

Or perhaps you do have a healthy love of yourself?

do you care more about being true to yourself than about what other people think of you?

do you make your needs priority ahead of your desires?

can you give up something that’s harming you?

do you seek positive healthy situations?

can you set boundaries and hold to them?

can you sit with and truly feel strong emotions until they pass?

I would like to gift you the quest for love that I have been taking… I am seeking to love myself in the kindest ways, to have self-compassion and to take great care of my well-being. I am passing it on to you.

Small Things with Great Love

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”

This quote is resonating with me today, so I’ve decided to do a post on Mother Teresa. She is certainly one of my heroes and if she were American, she would have been featured in my ‘Inspiring All-American Women‘ post. Today I had a plane ticket to visit a relative who is in delicate health. I woke up with a sore throat and have been around three people this week who proclaimed they were sick, two of whom had fever the previous week. I made a choice this morning to stay home. A very small thing to do, perhaps, but with great love. My goal is to protect my great-uncle’s health. I still hope to visit when I’m certain I’m well. (And I’m going back to sleep in a few minutes…)

Mother Teresa spent the majority of her life in service to the poor, ill, diseased, and dying. She dressed wounds, prayed with the people, hugged them and held them as they died, and was an advocate for peace to world leaders as well. She was no greater than you or I. Mother Teresa understood the cumulative kindness in daily actions that can heal hearts and souls. She gave with love, constantly.

Everyday we have choices. Today I can choose to show my strength, my power of choice, my voice for peace, by doing simple things. Anyone who takes part in a movement for change can choose to put aside our own ego and continually do small things that promote the ideals of our movement. Sometimes it’s the most subtle among us who are the most visible, anyway. Do everything with love, today. See what a change you make.