Healthy Relationships: Conversing about Ultimatums (because #metoo)

There is so much good going on lately, with #metoo storming social media and providing a succinct way to show solidarity as well as start a conversation and show the need for change.

As a facet of that movement, I want to urge parents to tell your daughters (ok, and your sons) that anyone they might date who tells them ‘do this, or else I will break up with you’ needs to break up with that person On The Spot. No second chances. Relationships based on ultimatums are unhealthy. Let your young women know that no relationship is worth going against their values. Having a relationship doesn’t transform you into a worthwhile human: you have always been so very worthy of good and you always will be.

I want to urge parents of boys as well (ok, boys and girls), please tell your sons to avoid Ever issuing an ultimatum to anyone. Saying ‘do this or else’ is to try to force someone to bend to your will and that is so inappropriate no matter what context, but especially in a relationship. If you are unhappy with the way dating is going and you have tried mature ways of working it out (you may have to ask an adult to give you mature ideas, that is a good and normal thing to do!), then break up. You can respect a person’s limits by breaking up, but not by threatening to break up. Honestly, you’ll find another relationship. If you hold out for one in which you know that your non-negotiables will be met, then you will be able to work through the challenges together.

I know deep in my bones this is a vital conversation to have.

When one person grows up socialized to think they hold all the power, they wield power. Relationships are not about wielding power; they are about communication, staying true to yourself, and respecting the other person’s limits. They’re about a million things, really, but in a healthy relationship all of those things are kind and good.

 

I’m feeling good about parents and mentors nurturing respect through this conversation.

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Awesome gifts for young girls !

I started shopping for my good friend’s four-year-old’s birthday gift. Not because gift-giving is obligatory societally, but because I’ve known this little kid since she was 4 weeks old and she’s very special to me.

I was blessed as a child with generous relatives and family friends who gave a wide array of the most amazing inspiring beautiful gifts!! So to continue the legacy, here is my first attempt to move past my first thought (Oooooh, sparkly pink tutu!!!!!) and share with you some gifts with greater perceived depth. I say ‘perceived’ because as an artist and costumer, I very much so value beautiful fabric and visual aesthetics and see them as facilitating perception of the beauty of the world.

The age range for the below list is wider than just the 4-year-old crowd, and the price range is on the low side. A lot of these are from ‘amightygirl.com’, which you should definitely check out.

Tool box I had and LOVED as a kid

Book about Rachel Carson, female environmentalist

Book about Female Inventors

Raise Butterflies with this kit!!!!!

Play Camping Set! So cool

Miss Rumphius; A book based on a real woman who made the world more beautiful

And I think that will about exhaust most folks’ willingness to click links, so I’ll save some others for a future post. Keep on raising amazing, intelligent, sparkly-eyed, alive, compassionate girls. We all start little, and then get inspired.

See Your Awesome

I just read a beautiful article I would love to share with you:

http://www.livingandlifedesigned.com/help-children-build-body-confidence-struggle/

Written by a mother of three, she addresses how to help children build a positive body image. As with most things, it starts from within. After reading the article, what positive heart characteristics can you list about yourself?

5 things I know are good about me:

Creative, Resilient, Compassionate, Considerate, Intelligent