Agreeing with Hubby

I’d like to propose a tweet:  A #strong married #woman agrees with her husband because she chose a husband who has similar #values to her own. #feelinggoodfeminism

Make it go viral.

I recently have read some things stating that women ought to agree with their husbands out of respect for their marriage, and ought to cede to her husband’s decisions because he has the final word. Aside from suddenly needing to vomit, I feel that there is something inherently dangerous about this idea of unconditional support based on convention rather than based on intelligent agreement and trust.

I would choose to marry someone who upholds the same values I do, both in words and actions. I hope that my fellow women feel the same about choosing a partner; that partnership is based on similar values, trust, respect, and intellectual interest in one another’s ideas and projects. I believe in equal cooperation.

I would hope that men can do the same, seeking a partner who is similar to you intellectually and morally, so that you trust in her decisions. Choose the path of strength; be honest with your partner, tell her how you really feel about things so that you both make informed decisions about your continued partnership.

I can say these things all day long, and the most important portion remains that I must continue to practice making good intelligent decisions for myself, learning who I am and expressing my personality in everything I do, and speaking my story to those whom I come to trust will treasure it.


Love & Marriage (& Responsibility)

So, sometimes people think feminists are against marriage. I am not. I am against “marriage-for-the-wrong-reasons“.

What is this? Marriage for the… what?

Do you want to have sex? Do you want someone else to take care of you and buy you jewelry and houses and dogs and clothes and expensive, etc, etc, etc? Do you want to raise children?

The above are all insufficient reasons to get married.

Marriage is a good idea in this current financially-unstable society when two people who can independently financially support themselves know one another well-enough (does zie have a criminal record? does zie bathe every day? does zie take out the trash or wait for maggots and roaches to materialize and then blame the landlord?) to conclude that their mutual enjoyment of each other’s company will not be destroyed by harmful behavior or destitute poverty.

Because harmful behavior causes harm and stress (no kidding?), and destitute poverty can be just a credit-card swipe away. Financial stress is often quoted as the primary factor which causes divorce, and certain behaviors like unclean-living can cause such destruction to a home as to require thousands of dollars worth of repair. Think before you launch into an a-cappella rendition of ‘Fools Rush In’. Your sanity (and hir’s) is worth it.

This link is a pretty sweet corroboration to my post, but In List Form (I love lists!).

Mazel tov, my loving and responsible friends!

I’m feeling good about Marriage for the Right Reasons.