I’ve often had the same ‘looking out a woodsy cabin window’ vision. And I, too, am beginning to understand what it is to live life for me, rather than to prove my worth to someone external. I’ve got limits, and I’m feeling good about them. Sing your truth, women, you are my sisters.
From a Reconceiving Women interview , p. 90:
…I’ve lived the first half of my life as though I’m not vulnerable, and as though I can just keep giving and doing and achieving… and I can’t. I’ve got limits, and it’s becoming increasingly clear to me. And I think the second half of my life, I’m not sure what form it’s going to take, but I think it is going to be more inner directed… developing my own individuality rather than compulsively caretaking others… An image I get of myself sometimes is just standing at a kitchen sink (in a cabin in the woods) looking out a window, in a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans. Not being anybody’s therapist or mother. And I fantasize how wonderful it would be to be up there and have a studio to paint in, having a half a dozen clients. I’m feeling so much less achievement oriented. It has just collapsed, that whole thing has collapsed…it feels really odd to not be striving to become something else, to prove to myself or to the world that I’m “good enough.”
I hear ya, sister.”