Want a wedding?

I’m not asking whether you’d like to get married. I’m asking what about a wedding appeals to you, and is most important to you. Answer anonymously if you’d like. Shows such as ‘My Fair Wedding with David Tutera,’ exhibit the mindset that a wedding is necessary to marriage. Not only a wedding, but an extravagant wedding! Please answer the poll and read on.

Why do we have weddings? It’s a social gathering, and a rite of passage for people who decide to marry. And yet, there is a specific format, sometimes specific to a family’s particular tradition or religion. Why are weddings so standardized?

Lately I’ve seen some examples on blogs and on etsy, showing photos of non-traditional weddings held in backyards with retro or halloween themes. But they tend to be the exception, not the expectation.

Think about it, though. There’s an unstated assumption that there will be (expensive)

  • Flowers
  • Cake
  • Dress, Tuxedo, and other Formal Wear
  • Rings
  • DJ
  • Venue
  • Photography
  • Officiant
  • Church or other religious building (often, not always)
  • Place settings, decorations, other food
  • Gifts
  • Invitations
  • Optional wedding planner

And all of this costliness tends to limit the number of guests who are invited. Having not ever had a wedding myself, I don’t know what I would do. But I imagine a personalized wedding, something where people might say ‘Everything was so Them.” Not ‘everything was so expensive’ or ‘everything was so beautiful’. I’d want my family and friends to know we care about them, and that we’re true to ourselves, and wise about money.

So what about you?


4 thoughts on “Want a wedding?

  1. All true. I think it depends on a lot of factors — who’s paying for it? How wealthy are they? How much do they feel the need to impress others vs. pleasing themselves?

    My second wedding, a few months ago, was small (25 people), low-key but fun. We skipped many of the standard things (DJ, planner, fancy flowers) yet the event was intimate, charming and memorable. Some people lack the confidence or creativity to put it together themselves so they feel they have to buy into the wedding-industrial complex.

    • Thanks for your comment! 🙂
      Sure, I suppose confidence and creativity do contribute. What I’m curious about is the lack of mindfulness in it… the lack of questioning. Do people ask ‘do we need a wedding?’ Does a wedding procure a happy marriage? Does it contribute to one?
      All these questions are only answerable subjectively- because maybe some people could not live with themselves if they didn’t have a wedding. And some people would feel so uncomfortable having a traditional wedding that they’d simply prefer not to. And yet, people I’ve talked to have answered that it’s “not a choice.” Everything we do is a choice. Why is this “not”?

      Good to hear from you! And congratulations! 🙂

  2. I recently told my family that I doubted I would bother with a traditional wedding (whenever that time comes). I hate planning, and details, and spending money, and what is a wedding if not all of those things? I want something fun, a celebration, not people feeling stuffy and wondering what-do-I-do-next? (or maybe it’s just me who feels that way in super formal settings?) I want to rent out the top floor of a club, hire a couple samba dancers, a congo drummer, and a belly dancer. Bring in someone to say a few words and make us “officially” married, and then party!!! And do you know what my parents said? “After everything you’ve put us through, we deserve to see a wedding!” Ha. I think that just says so much.

    • I’m proud of you for having a vision and the strength to stand behind it. It makes so much sense to me that a wedding should be enjoyable and personable to the couple, not to anyone else’s expectations. ❤ Everyone will come around.

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